First blog post

I have always wanted to become a blogger but getting to start on with it hasn’t been that easy obviously, and so it took me this long to start but finally here we go. So basically I will be – l’m a personal blogger. I will be sharing my thoughts and experiences on being a female young adult, single, black African,studying and living in an arabic and also Islamic country. In two words Dephia’s musings…

My mind has been exploding with soo much topics I wanted to write about and I just couldn’t settle on one title for the blog but I guess I will find my footing as I go. So if you’re interested to know more about my world “Dephia’s-musings” stay tuned..




Part five – understanding religion


I believe nobody can ever really understand any given religion until its incorporated in our day to day lives. Our lifestyles and backgrounds have controlled the little knowledge we have on religion if not non. In other words, being grounded and raised in certain religious settings has left us with a very thin line demarcating religions from cultures or traditions, and very little knowledge on other religions other than our own .. 

Being a Christian in an Arabic and Islamic nation has had its ups and downs but the best part of it is, it has opened my eyes to see beyond just being rooted in one religion. It can be a very sensitive topic to some but for this post let me talk about my own experiences. 

The holydays

Ramadan is a month in the Islamic calender, a holy month for fasting and prayer. Muslims are obliged to not eat or drink anything during the day, from dawn to sunset, no smoking or partaking in any activities that distract them from prayer like watching TV, listening to music, going shopping etcetera. 

The most challenging part for me during this holy month is staying alert when I’m out doors because I usually forget that it’s Ramadan. Most times I find myself throwing a sweet in my mouth or trying to take a sip of water, throwing on my pair of ripped jeans only to release it way later on that I’m wearing the wrong pair of jeans or wearing heavy lipstick “which is a solid give away”. This often comes across as being disrespectful to some people but it’s merely just being forgetful but also religion is supposed to be a personal journey between you and your God . 

Trying to respect other people’s holidays is one part of it, but the other part is not being able to really celebrate my own religious holidays. One of my favorite holidays that I miss celebrating the most is Christmas day, the day we Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Although I’ve celebrated Christmas every other year with some friends at church or at a dinner party there’s always something missing. That atmosphere of love, peace,sharing, great music and food, Christmas decorations (*i know it’s not about the decorations,presents and father Christmas ) but that joyful spirit around this day is just amazing and I miss it because it reminds me of what it is to LOVE. It has been hard just sailing through days which mean a lot to my beliefs and it has had a little toil on me.


 Answering the questions … 

A number of times I’ve been in the most constricting environments where I’m being questioned about my religion. It’s one of the most difficult things you could ever do, trying to explain your faith and beliefs to your group of friends without making them feel convicted or passing any conviction . In most situations I have learned to keep quiet not because I’m not proud of my religion but because I’m usually out numbered and staring in the faces of people who have never been exposed to any other beliefs other than thier own and I’ve learned to respect that. At the end of it all we’re all in our own paths and we’ll all get to our given destinations some day. 

One of the popular questions I have been asked is, Why a christian? I believe this is a question we all should ask ourselves at a certain point, Why do you believe in what you believe in? If you can justify your reason with no doubt in your heart then good for you. 

What I pray for is that we all can open our eyes and understand that spirituality is a personal journey, what one chooses to believe in does not make him or her any lesser than you are. If you wish for goodness in someone’s life pray for them and leave the battles to what’s beyond our physical abilities. 

Stop with religion conflicts!! 

My 168 hours offline…

So about a couple weeks ago I decided to go offline, it was for just a week but saying 168 hours does have that dramatic ring to it right. As for the reasons why I was doing it, firstly I just needed time out from everyone, but then I also wanted to get the experience since it was something that I had never tried before for that long and lastly, this one was more or less of an excuse for the first two but I had some school work to catch up on (as if that has ever stopped me from doing anything..*chuckles) 

Saturday afternoon , right when I was still feeling all hyped up about the experience, I posted this on my whatsapp status..

In that very moment I became more enthused by the idea of it because I started noticing something which got my attention. Something like how not everyone was bothered with my status, to some people it caught thier attention and concern and they had to call or text me to ask what was wrong or why I was going offline which was very sweet and caring and as for the others, well I’m not saying everyone else in my contact list doesn’t or didn’t give a damn about me neither I’m I denying it “I wouldn’t know”  but nevertheless it was that very little action that touched my heart the most and it made me want to go on with it.. .. 

Anywho, I made a list of my top 11 highlights on the experience and without further ado, here it is…

Whilst  I was offline…

  1. I was more focused on my to do list,I kind of felt more energised or should i say “mindful”
  2. I didn’t have to charge my phone as much, yipy to my already damaged phone battery
  3. I didn’t take as many selfies, not sure if that was a huge win cause I don’t post as much as I could I believe 😌
  4. I had a lot of time with my thoughts without any distractions like those funny memes popping in my mind 
  5. I woke up earlier than usual
  6. I had time to read a novel actually just enough time to do just about anything other than the Internet, 
  7. I started noticing more how the rest of the world was too fixated onto their phones, laptops, ipads,
  8. Learnt that I can do without a smart phone, but it will probably take a whole lot of getting used to the idea,
  9. Did my research the old fashioned way in a library, something I hadn’t done in a very long time,
  10. I missed Google the most, it’s a huge help when I’m studying 
  11. I may have needed to call my parents first before going off the grid

My wobbling during the week… 

Day 1

It went better than I anticipated, the only time I felt the need to be online was when I got splashed by a car at 8am in the morning. I was obviously going to tweet a piece of my frustrated mind to all those inconsiderate J.A drivers, but I didn’t, I wiped myself dry and moved on like an unbothered human being. Ow I didn’t have to charge my phone today…

Day 02

Our minds can’t really function properly without a bit of activity, I might not have been online but I found things to occupy my mind.. Spent a lot of my free time today listening to music which was my escape route in-between lectures and walking to and fro school instead of scrolling through fb,gram,twitter.

Day 03

Seems like it’s going on well.. Been missing talking to you, well “some people” but I think I can do without the Internet.. 

I almost missed a quiz test just because I was offline but thanks to my loyal one who came through.. I didn’t feel as much need to log on to anything and I’m starting to feel really unbothered by the whole process 


This was probably the most tempting day, I so want to give in and just go online.. I miss talking to my people but funny fact is if I ever decide to stay offline I’ll probably loss 50% of my friends and 200% of my associates…


It’s mostly difficult to stay offline if you don’t have a back to back schedule like during the weekends, right now I’m ready to call it quits but I had a good run didn’t I.. For now I’ll take this as a win though it’s pretty sad that I can hardly last a week offline… 

Day 07

Social media has given us the impression that we’re always wanted and needed, where people are always checking up on us liking our pictures and viewing our status.. But Is it real love? We’re more opionated and out spoken hiding behind those hideous user names such that at a certain point we forget who we really are once we turn off the screens.. What I take from this experience is,

Don’t let the Internet steal away your time, manage your screen time and save a lot of time .. 

Now I challenge you to 168hrs offline.. If you have had a similar experience, drop a comment… Cheers

Not knowing… 

If youre afraid of the unknown say I, I !!!!!!!!

What drives us crazy the most is the thought of not knowing what will be, not knowing when or how or if it’s even a possibility 

We want reacknowledgement, we want something to keep us on track, we want surety

We’re too scared of disappointment, too scared of being unproductive, too afraid of being a nameless nobody, scared to be on the losing side 

Which is why we assume what we don’t know of, we work our butts off, we guide our hearts with diligence,we pretend to predict the outcomes and we prepare 

But you can not mock us, because no one really knows it all except God alone. We can not know what goes on in another person’s mind,we can not know how much more time we have and we certainly can not know how much time they have.. 

Henceforth we feed on optimism, day after day, expecting the best or at least the most favorable outcome, hoping that what we do not know of won’t kill us, 

living as if we are not afraid of what’s ahead of us, as if we know it all, as if we have it all figured out, and yet from deep within us nothing terrifies us as the unknown… 

My 25 years in retrospect…

Hello everbody, welcome back!!

Since its my birthday month , I’ve decided to do a little rumbling and retrospection on the last 25 years of my life, wow twenty five years huh , when did this happen, a quarter of a century😯!!!!?, I’m totally in denial but that doesn’t change the numbers right. Anyway this one is a little long so take a seat… 

March 2018, celebrating my 25th year..

About my childhood.. 
I believe this was the best tier of my past. I mean what can be more care free than the life of a toddler, eating and pooping and sleeping throughout not even a drop of sweat shed. If I can go back in time,I would so want to relive my childhood. Where my day would start on a 7 and end on a 11/10, with never a dull moment even on those very days I would get an ass whooping for being naughty. Everything was just so easy. Schooling was effortless.

 I remember those several times sitting in the back seat of our car, trying to finish my homework as my dad is rushing through traffic to get me at school at least 15 mins late (i became so good at it, well I always had an average hand writing so nobody noticed the difference *grins), I also remember the times when my mum would try to plait my hair on a Monday morning whilst I’m laying on her lap and finishing off my untold childhood dreams, or the many times I would turn my room upside down looking for my school shoes, homework book or a clean pair of socks ( I was that kind of a child) . At this stage of my life it was all about enjoying the little things of life, just being a child and leaving the rest of the world to worry about me and clean after my mess. It sure never got any easier than it was then and I’ve missed it, every single day of my life. 

Me laughing at you because you thought I would show you my baby pictures😂…December 2016

Being a teenager… 

I can say being a teen did not start on a good note for me. It started off with my parents throwing me right at the deep end of a teenager’s life,  before I could even float. Being sent to a boarding school for six years with 9 months at school and only 3 months at home was a huge leap from being smothered with love and attention all day and everyday,  to being my owns keeper.  

I remember how my life was so scheduled to the second, when to eat, what to eat, when to sleep,…day in and day out, that was the life of a boarding scolaire, my life . My friends were my siblings and a huge part of my existence at this moment and my teachers were those mean nagging parents,well not all of them though, some were those funny uncles with ridiculous jokes, whilst others were being the cool aunties letting you get away with a little mischief here and there. The hard truth is, this was was home for me but I never at once accepted such fate. 

While normal teenagers were exploring the world, playing video games, doing social media,fashion trends,we were doing our zombie routine. alarm breakfast school lunch sports/church/study– supper– studysleep and REPEAT … 

This was back in 2011,in boarding school with some of  my friends.that school uniform and hair cut didn’t do me any justice.. 

Neverthless, if I’m being totally honest with myself, as much as I dreaded this whole scheduled system, it’s this stage of my life that moulded me to be the women I am today. I learnt to be independent, to be a one man’s world and to be able to pick up my own load. Good thing it was not a single sex school because I also learnt a bit about men (at this time they were just boys), but being comfortable around them and learning how to think like a men, “it came as a plus in the dating world” *winks…

for the first time in my life I found myself making time to actually study and put real effort in my school work although I wasn’t as serious as my final term just before college.I also became spiritual, learning how to pray and building a relationship with God, being positive, optimistic, hard working  … 

The best parts I can remember are always at school with my friends being care free but a little more cautious, being loud, I can’t say I was notorious no but we had our ways of having fun and just enjoying teen hood. Being at home over the holidays was fun too whilst we were still in that mist of being missed too much and being suffocated with love and anything you would want. 

Oh how I would crave good food (from those greesy take outs to the healthy boring stuff as well, anything was better than boarding school meals), I also missed taking long baths not the 2 minutes showers I used to take because I would wake up late “usually” , I also missed spending hours and hours of watching TV, doing my hair and wearing my cute clothes. It was like being awaken into civilization and it was heaven,well  whilst it lasted, roughly two weeks or so,after that, right at the back of my mind, I would start wishing I was back at school where I could be my owns boss again .. 

2014  with my high school siblings…

Being a young adult

 Everytime I look at the word adult it screams at me RESPONSIBILITY. Being independent in my teenhood was easier because I was always on a schedule, I knew what I had to do and when I had to do it, inevitably, but college was different, even though I knew what I had to do, I had that option of deciding when I want it done. It was nolonger about being independent but also being responsible, boring *eye rolling. This meant being accountable to all my actions, either done or not done or intended to be done . I was miles away from home surrounded by strangers with foreign cultures, traditions, languages, religion, foreign everything! It all made it too frustrating.

March 2017, celebrating my 24th year..

It sounded easier in my head because I was “miss independent after all” but in actual reality, this was hard because subconsciously I just wanted to derail to my childhood self where everything was easy-peasy, sleeping in, eating whatever I wanted and just being carefree. Yet I found myself back in that scheduled routine where it was all about school school and school. It was like high school all over again but the only best thing that had changed is that now I had choices and options. 

I love having options like those mornings I choose to ignore my alarm, or when I choose to have charwama and juice for breakfast, or going out in the middle of the week, or sleeping late on those episodes of G.O.T / orange is the new black /mike and molly… 

June 2015, with my friend and guiding angel in this arab country…

Anywho,  In between trying to keep up with living in an arab country, pursuing a medical degree, finding my place in this dating world and still being a responsible young adult, I can say I’m happy with where I am and what I’ve become. So now I look forward to better adventures, love stories, more responsibilities, more more and more wonderful things of life, I can not wait to write a similar blog when I’m 50😊. To more years 🍷 

Follow and comment.. Cheers


Part four – Quick dos and don’ts 

Over the years the inevitable happened, and so my lifestyle started changing. .”the change creeped in on me slowly and gently that I almost missed it …” boo hoo , that’s something I wish I could tell you, but thats not at all how it happened. It kinda just “Mike Tyson -ed on me” (lack of a better expression ) but that’s how it was, one professional high/low punch you never see coming. .I say this because for most of the lifestyle changes and lessons , I had to learn them the hard way , some being even harder than the others and sadly I will never recover from those..Of course I can’t tell you every bitsy detail of the journey but for this post let’s call them the quick dos and donts…. and how about I start with “le bisou” pronounced, /bi.zu..

Le bisou

bisous is that form of greeting where people just touch cheeks to each other and kiss the air a specific number of times. This is very common among Arabs and french people but from my part of the continent where I grew up in, we did not do le bisous, well unless you were that somebody just trying to be all exotic and “I’ve been to France kind of syndrom”. What I was familiar with was hugging, handshakes ,waves or just that undefined upward head nod where you simply acknowledge the presence of the other person whilst saying the least or yet nothing. Hugs could be either very friendly or very affectionate, the same goes for handshakes which could be very professional , fairly social or being surprisingly flirtatious. 

This was the world I knew, where a handshake was just a handshake and a hug was just a hug, with no barries to sex, religion or culture. But this was also a little, I mean a whole lot different from this arabian world I was now living in. A world with such a complex culture it is just too overwhelming and nearly impossible to keep up with the lifestyle, where trying not to offend someone is actually offensive on its own  ….agrrrhh 😲 but like they say, when in Rome …(**I don’t have to finish that one out, we all know how the phrase ends..), Anywho, eventually  I got to understand that this was one of those basic things I had to learn real fast, inspite of that nagging feeling of me being “mike tyson-ed” because, no one actually ever gave me a heads up and taught me how to do le bisous properly, pretty much how they forgot to teach me how to do a proper hand shake. 

 They forgot to tell me how many times to kiss.., how fast or slow.., if they were really air kisses or not.. , who to or who not to kiss.., and yet these were very very important things to know, trust me I learnt it the hard way …..

how many times do you do le bisou ?

Upto now I’m sorry to say that I still don’t really know, it can go from two times to forever .I guess it all depends on how enthusiastic the other  person is or just how well you know each other. I honestly just let the kisser lead the way , I never initiate le bisou because well, I’m more of a hugger and it gets really confusing and weird when you’re trying to pull away and you’re still on 3 cause you always have to end on an even number so why not just go with the flow and avoid the awkwardness …

how fast or slow does it go?

This seems like a very weird question but trust me there’s a rythmn to it .The last thing you want is to be having some traces of lipstick on your nose or ear or *a stolen first kiss. It will happen soo fast you won’t see it coming , something I regrettably had to learn the hard way .It was only a few millimetres away from a perfect stolen kiss just because I decided to turn a little too fast than intended and that costed me one extra kiss because it always ends on an even number, and an awkward eye starring as I wiped a different shade of lipstick tinting the left corner of my lips.Sadly no amount of laugh saved me from that awkwardness nope none…

are they really air kisses ?

Not always, I’m afraid not . There’s always that one person who’s soo bubbly and friendly and bisous -ish, not afraid to jump in with six kisses you cannot avoid well because that’s just who they are . The trick is to start the kiss that way you sort of have control on how it will go and how many times, its usually safer that way.

who or who not to kiss ?

There is a certain code of ethics or rules related to muslim men and women socialising. Something they refer to as haram is interdict, like any form of body contact between two unmarried people of the opposite sex, unless there’s an old person involved . Well i didn’t know this, and it took a couple rounds of embarrassing missed handshakes for me to finally get it and also thanks to a friend of mine who had to explain it to me after seeing how persistent and stubborn I was. 

*I do understand why muslim men don’t do le bisou, but I don’t get why the rest of you men do it, please stop!!! , not every woman enjoys the feel of random beard on thier faces.I just had to clear that one out for many many women😀, the least you could do is make it a real air kiss no contact …

On top of my list for 5  quick dos and donts in an arab country are ..


  1. Dress modestly always
  2. Be open-minded to the differences in cultures and religion 
  3. Be black (rock your fake hair, cook that carpenta or pap/sadza/shima, embrace those curves if you have to, it’s ok..) 
  4. travel
  5. Be patient 


  1.  back down from a bisous , it’s super offensive 
  2. assume anything you dont know
  3. start any arguments , Arabs run on a short fuse (it’s a fact)
  4. drink in public
  5. Show affection in public 

    If you have any dos and don’ts of your own just leave them in the comments, and don’t forget to follow… Cheers…bisous 



    Part 3 – learning the language/s..

    hello everybody,I know it’s been a while since I last blogged but I’m back now . three quick disclaimers…

    1. I am pretty much still an armature in this blogging world so consistency and eloquency are still a bit of a hurdle but I’m getting my footing..and by the way, I’m loving the views and positive feedbacks( *yipyyy to the fans🍻)
    2. I mostly post from my phone or tab , frankly I have not yet opened my blog from a computer so I don’t know how big or small my pictures are. …my bad I’ll definitely get to that, well that takes us back to number 1 ☝
    3. Lastly i absolutely have nothing against Arabs or Algeria , what I post are simply my experiences from my perspective..This is  my story and I will tell it my way *sorry it got a little cheesy on that last part 

    So without further ado let’s jump right into it…about learning the language/s

    The epiphany…

    I had an EPIPHANY the other here I was siting right at the corner of my bed eyes glued onto my smart phone , half undressed, still getting into that element of unwinding after a long day at school, when it hit me, that epiphany . I was texting my girl Eva and suddenly I burst out into my full blown unrestrained laughter , the one I only reserve for the people who really know me cause well I wouldn’t want to give you something to talk about other than my blog *winks .Anyway as I was saying I was laughing soo hard like a mad man not because of something she had said (but she is funny though) but it was because of the sentence I was typing ,

    Annisa kara3 shuiya , ukuya here, or should i come there , tout de suite!!!

    (Girl wait a bit, are you coming or should I come there immediately)

    How on earth did I get to using 4 different languages in one sentence😨 . I didn’t realise that I was way past just being bilingual, I was now quadrilingual..and you want to know the worst part about all of this, I’m not even fluent in any one of these four languages. 

    Ever since I started learning french I lost my ring to english , I believe I used to be a better english speaker. As for arabic, well let’s just say I have my list of words which gets me by, don’t get me started with it . I applaud anyone who speaks arabic , much respect to you guys .I don’t know how you pull those accents ,those ones the ones that come right from the back of your throats as if you’re snorting or snoring, yah that one .lord knows how many times I’ve tried to pick up the language, well soo many that now I’m content with my list of roughly 20 words give or take but they do get me by like I said. As for french with all the conjugations and accents arrrrrrh * love- hate emotions right there*….and yes not forgetting shona my native language, I can never lose that one as long as we stay clear of the shona proverbs and metaphors we good.

    As subtle as it may sound ,learning the language/s was and is one of the most challenging things I had to go through once I settled in for college . I know how much I emphasised on how I had no idea on what I was getting into (here‘s the link if you missed that one ) ,but this is by far the peak of the whole experience . 

    It is such a humbling experience ,soo beautiful and exciting and yet soo frustrating .

     why humbling?

    Well because no matter how much of a diarrheal mouth you may have, when you don’t have the words to respond you shut up .Before you even realise it you become such a great listener . It took me years to pull out a descent conversation with my friends , need I mention that it’s not really any type of conversation..The amount of vocabulary I would have for that subject always kind of channels the whole talk . Having said that if we happen to speak in french don’t ask me about politics,law suit,geography,history…let’s just stick to the usual social conversations or medical stuff Ok.

    why  exciting 😊? 

     I learn a new word or phrase everyday, I’ve always been a fan of learning new languages and cultures .not only do I learn a bit of arabic and french but because Algeria is under an educational system which is enrolling students from other african countries I also get to learn a bit of mbeba from Zambia, a little bit of twi from Ghana , a bit of Swahili from Tanzania ..There’s this huge inter cultural community which I love. .you will be surprised with the number of words we have with the same spellings but different hysterical meanings,which gives us something to laugh about and bond over.

    why frustrating 😤? 

    have you ever tried to explain yourself to someone but it just ain’t getting through . Funny fact, i recently realised that I’m mostly/ usually fluent in french when I’m angry which is very frustrating because at times I just want you to understand me without getting me all whirled up .There are days when it comes so naturally when  I’m almost feeling all french and then there are those days ….Those days when every sentence has to be well thought even though I’m trying to make it all look so effortless . And then those days when I’m rolling my eyes at the back of my head when someone responds with “comment/qoui/je n’ai pas compris” – WHAT/ I DON’T UNDERSTAND🙄.. 

    je nai pas compristhese by the way are by far my favorite words to say *especially when my professor is looking at me and asking me a question that I don’t know the answer to but i can’t show him that I don’t know the answer and so I have to pretend like “it’s the language barrier” -sweet perfect deception, it worked every single time , worked 😏, now they don’t buy it not when you’re in your fifth year in college..Ohh how I miss those days….. 

    cheersdon‘t forget to follow


    Its blogging night yipyyy,…so i was going through some blogs this morning and i came across this Nigerian blogger who posted on some random facts about herself, and as always my mind started on with the rumbling, which is something it has been doing a lot of late…. It got me thinking. …….🤔  
    Have you ever noticed how people sometimes pretend like they know each other so well, how it has become so so easy to throw each other into a stereotype which now has become like a trend, or how we’ve all lost that experience or thrill in getting to know each other , other than just throwing around assumptions because of one’s gender, race or social status,or how we have stopped considering the different attributes of every person, or how our assumptions have become common knowledge . 

    If you probably thought you were not a stereotype well spoiler alert, sorry to say but you are.. There’s always I mean always a group for everyone.We have gender stereotyping defining what man or women can or cannot do because of thier gender, we also have the racial stereotyping,  for example us black women being known to be well built but also superficial, positives or negatives there are all sorts of stereotypes and sadly it has become like a social suicide just trying to put yourself out there because nobody knows anybody anymore. That good old fashioned getting to know each other is now overrated .There are too many critics and judgemental people shoveling others into piles and more piles of stereotypes…

    The lists is just too long but right at the top of my head there are  the blondes ,nerds,geeks,snobs,brats,reserved ones,extremists,slay queens, oww oww and my favorite the yellow bones this one is common within the black community.. People of a lighter complexion are known under this term yellow bones, not a big deal one would say. It would appear so but this also comes with the tags snobby/soft/materialistic /pompous/conceited it goes on and on and on 

    OK enough with my ranting but I was  getting somewhere with it..I just wish there would be less of this stereotyping and more of getting to know people for who they are. Nomatter how much of a cliché one could possibly be, give them the benefit of the doubt would you. The world has enough problems already without this social categorization …how about we look at each other as PROTOTYPES  and not STEREOTYPES 🤓

    So here are 17 random facts about me….

    1. I hate being a stereotype 
    2. I have six piercings on my ears and I’ve always thought of having a nose ring…  I’m way past that one
    3. I know nothing about cars but I can point to you my dream car😁
    4. I’m a shoe size 5
    5. I’ve more ghetto in me than you actually think and I love it
    6. I’m not a fashionist but I do love looking presentable
    7. I would go for some orange juice rather than tea/coffee at any time of the day or in any weather
    8. I feed on optimism 
    9. I define myself as being spiritual and not religious and it’s my spirituality that drives me
    10. I don’t have a sweet tooth 
    11. From time to time I take my frustration onto a piece of paper
    12. I’ve become a fan of confrontation 
    13. Will always pick biology to math
    14. I love break up songs / sad soulful music, they hold so much emotion
    15. Such a sucker for comedy
    16. I grew up thinking I would become a doctor (surgeon) 
    17. I’ve never been on a boat 


        feel free to follow and comment !!!